A conversation with my car, on its way to slaughter

The following was written for an event hosted by Edmund Zagorin called “Make It Look Like An Accident.” You bring a piece of writing, and then hand it to someone else to edit it however they please, and then they read it aloud. However, I misunderstood and thought “make it look like an accident” was the writing prompt.

This is the original, pre-edited piece I brought to the event — derived from entirely true events, except for the main character, whose sentience is wholly and utterly made up.